The Legendary Bathroom Disagreement
by Rogue Requiem
Summary: Gamora likes to start her mornings early. So does Drax. And Peter's ship only has one bathroom.


**A/N: I've had a Guardians of the Galaxy headcanon since the second the movie ended and I'm going to share it with you now alright okay**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Guardians of the Galaxy or anything remotely related to it.**

* * *

Drax hogs the bathroom on the ship. Every morning. And every morning, it interferes with Gamora's own bathroom routine. Now, usually, Gamora is quite patient. She dealt with Thanos and Ronan for years before she acted. She _knows_ patience. But on one particular morning, her patience reached its limit.

Maybe it was because she'd had a particular bad round of nightmares the night before. They happened sometimes. Or maybe it was because they'd been stuck on this tiny ship for far too long together, having to be content with food rations that did nothing for nobody. Or maybe it was just because, _for once_, she wanted to take a shower with water _that was actually hot_.

Regardless of the reason, that morning the steel bathroom door met with the fury of the most feared assassin in the galaxy. Gamora banged, kicked, and yelled at the door, screaming obscenities in every language she knew at Drax to get his dumbass _out_ of the bathroom.

Unfortunately, this ungodly noise woke Rocket up as well. Rocket is a heavy sleeper, and he does not like to be woken up before he is damn good and ready. The only one who can usually rouse him and keep his head is, of course, Groot. But Rocket couldn't help but notice that Groot wasn't the one to wake him this particular morning, and he was _pissed._

Running into the frame on the way out of his room, Rocket bounded the short distance from his quarters to the bathroom, gun in hand. He skidded to a halt at the sight that met him. Gamora—still in her pajamas with a change of clothes under her arm, a toothbrush in one hand, and a snarl on her face—was landing a vicious kick at the door.

"Do you have any idea what time it is? What gives?" Rocket demanded, remembering that he could be sleeping right now and was still upset at the fact he wasn't.

Gamora let out another frustrated shriek and pointed sharply at the door. "_Him!_ He's been in there for over an hour already, I swear, and I've _had it!_"

She didn't have to specify. They were in a tiny enough ship where everybody's complaints about everybody got around to everyone eventually. Plus, it helped that Groot was tiny enough to serve as the best possible spy.

But that just meant that him being awake wasn't really Gamora's fault but Drax's.

"Alright, say no more. Move over."

Rocket hoisted his gun, which was easily the length of his body, higher and moved into position. Gamora scrambled a safe distance back. Then Rocket let him have it.

Well, let the door have it.

* * *

Peter Quill sat in the cockpit, half-dozed. Normally, he'd be wide awake, jamming out to one of his mixes, but Gamora was currently borrowing his Awesome Mix Vol. 1 for education purposes. As for Awesome Mix Vol. 2, well... He could've _sworn_ he'd fallen asleep to it last night, but he woke up this morning to find it missing from his player. He'd panicked, naturally. But after tearing his quarters apart, all he had to show for it was an uninhabitable room and high blood pressure.

So he reasoned that he'd given it to one of the Guardians and had just forgotten about it. He could hold an interrogation later when everyone was good and awake. Finding peace in his decision, he adjusted their course as much as he needed in between watching his eyelids.

It was at this moment that the sound of an explosion ripped through the ship and reached him.

"What the hell?" Peter startled awake, nearly falling from his seat in the process. Alarms were sounding, lights were flashing, and he had no idea what any of it meant. Was there a hole in the ship? Was lack of oxygen about to be an issue?

But no. Scanners pinpointed the source of the explosion. The lone bathroom on the ship. Yeah. He needed to upgrade that aspect of the ship. Having four people share one bathroom had been an issue since day one of their adventures together.

When Peter noticed that the bathroom was also dangerously close to Rocket and Groot's room, he paled slightly.

"Oh, hell. Why?"

Checking to make sure the ship was on autopilot, Peter hurried to the source of the disturbance. He skidded to a halt, unknowingly mirroring what Rocket had done mere moments earlier, but the sight that greeted him was remotely different.

Gamora was slumped against the wall, still in her pajamas and clearly unconscious. A change of clothes rested loosely at her side and a toothbrush lay abandoned by her feet.

Rocket was face down a few feet away, happily snoring with a claw resting on a still smoking gun.

The bathroom door was...gone. It just was not there. Easing forward, Peter finally registered the loud, echoed strains of Stevie Wonder's "Superstitious" along with some really bad but really energetic singing. At least he knew now who had taken his mix. The rest... he could piece together himself.

Abruptly the singing stopped and the shower was shut off. Stevie Wonder was silenced mid-funk.

Peter stood there awkwardly, casting a look around at his unconscious teammates just to make sure that no one was bleeding. Concussions would have to be checked for, eventually.

Drax appeared in the doorway, a towel around his waist. He fixed an accusing look at Peter.

"Nice singing," Peter said, saluting him awkwardly.

Drax's expression didn't change.

"Why is this door here?"

"Uh?" Peter came around to find that, yes, the door was actually still existing in this universe. Drax was just standing on it. He looked around at his shipmates, trying to come up with an explanation that wouldn't get his spleen removed.

Another voice, sounding helpful, was heard coming faintly from Rocket's room.

"I am Groot."

"That—that's not helping, buddy. Thanks."

Peter let out a huff of air, his mouth puffing out comically. He shrugged and placed his hands on his hips.

"I guess your performance was just so good that it brought the house down, big man."

Drax's brow crinkled, and Peter internally groaned. _Metaphors,_ man.

"But this isn't a house."

Peter was already walking away.

"And even if it was, you are clearly lying to me, for it is still standing."

"You got me."

"Where are you going? You still haven't explained what happened here."

"Bring the tape, and we'll talk," Peter called back.

It wasn't even seven in the morning yet. What a day.


End file.
